We started life on earth with roads to travel. I remembered part of growing up: a huge house and the biggest on that street, closely knitted family, celebrations, being the apple of every one's eyes ---- a lil' skinny ugly duckling , many cousins but only 2 were my closest, GLORY & UNO. We personified what our family wanted us to be, only the best nothing less! GLORY was book smart, UNO was street smart, myself was quite flexible and can be both ! same class, same family we RULE ! Our road was shut down one day, I was not able to comprehend why my Uncle was put in that beautiful box, why gorgeous flowers surrounded the entire house, why we were asked to be quiet? Since then we all drifted.
As the road branches out so were our life. I no longer wish to be surrounded by family conflicts. I hate to be an underdog, I hate to see my Mom used and abused when my Dad left us. Devastation and frustration made me realised, I will travel that road where I will build a life that I myself can control. I no longer want to be a slave by my own blood relatives from my paternal side. My mother was a martyr to my paternal heritage but never been appreciated nor shown gratefulness. I never wanted to be like her! I will be like my father that stood to his belief, fearless, that played hard and work hard, enjoyed his life to the fullest and nothing bothered him. When he got all the worldly possession he shared to all like there will be no tomorrow, when he lost his worldly possession, he was still happy knowing he did what he wanted to do! Not in anytime of life he doubted my capabilities. He challenged my teachers for giving me a near perfect score, he believed I was more than perfect and rightfully earned that. My mother on the other hand was nurturing, she was scared I will fail, she was scared I will get hurt. She considered me a porcelain doll that will easily break and will never be able to be put together. Her love was the greatest I've ever experienced in life to the point it suffocated me and wanted to break loose!
I took another road to freedom, a road that was long and winding. Achieving freedom was not an easy road to venture. I was again confused! There was the struggle to fight for political freedom both for myself and others. I studied, I read many books, I listened, I got involved and woke up trailing the road of a political activist ! I was passionate but the ambiguity strike me that I allowed myself to be used as a propagandist that uses the word freedom to attached feelings and emotion to a cause that will build up to trek the road of no return.
As years passed by you came to an age where you are in a crossroad of being a child and a teen. which one should you take. I chose the road to be the bigger person. I got involved and it was great in the beginning but when my mother learned all she wanted was not losing face, that her child was breaking her religious belief. I was forced to face and travel the high road. I owe my life to her in the first place . I crashed and the road to recovery was very painful to myself and to my mother. She blamed herself!
Education was the road I kept coming back for I knew what my father said to me, "educate yourself, you may lose everything in your life but no one can ever take your education from you!", "it will be your ammunition and you will compete and you will win for you are in possession of the strongest weapon!" With boldness and determination I conquered the road to be an academician not a regular one but one that will excel ! It was not an easy road to be on top specially if you don't have the resources but I needed to reached that hill. The drive was hilly, the road blocks were everywhere. I ran out of fuel, I blew my tires, I hit the rock bottom. I put the palm of my hands together without a word to utter I looked up and finally said, "I need you".
With an education to bragged, with perseverance and willingness to sacrifice and with an attitude I entered the work force. I wanted to start where power exist, where decision makers convene and where actions and not mere words were the daily agenda. I landed with the position under the Office of the President and the rest were history. I met dignitaries, politicians, entertainers, grassroots. I handled projects of national importance. I finally was ready to face the road to achieving a life of my choosing . I travelled, settled in another country, established my businesses, widen my network and became an international business figure. It was not as big as millionaires but it was an establishment from my own sweat, sacrifices and small as it may seem to others, it was a gigantic achievement for me.
I married a Diplomat where once again I got reminded of my childhood environment. It was a very smooth road with no bumpers, so smooth and so surreal that I got treated as one of the many porcelain dolls on display. I loved the adulation, the pampered life, the extravagance that I thought will be forever. My family were taken cared of for a while until I realised although the road was smooth at the end of it was a continuing road to hypocrisy and senseless show of wealth. I took off and travel back in time.
So many roads I travelled along the way some were you find road signs, others unmarked and somehow I got tired of travelling trying to find out that road to a peaceful destination. It was wild and definitely rugged road! Relationships came and left, businesses booming and employees cheating, worked day and night, girlfriends were temporary. Once again I took the opportunity to travel the road and experienced cultures around the world. Lived the life of a nomad, a socialite, a homeless, a tourist and the very most important road I took was in England outside of London. I lived on the grounds of Arundel Castle. I walked up the mountain with a picnic basket in the afternoon with Grandma, I fed the swan in the morning and enjoyed the beauty of the solarium with a cup of tea. The local pub knew me and greeted me with my title. The best was learning the Gliders on my own.... that was the road where being up in the sky on para gliders gave me the true meaning of being on top of the world! I felt like a human bird reaching what was beyond and intrigued what was below. That road I will never regret!
Somehow even how much we travel the road will have a dead end. Now what ? Once again I was not appreciative of the wealth accorded to me and blew it all. The road took me back where I started. My father was right, education stayed with me and used that to take me to another journey.
Well the road at this point of time was unreachable but I needed it so badly to reach my destiny.
My childhood friend IAN took me under her wings. It was fun at night listening to her music and dreadful in the daytime when she slept all day. At this point of time there were no roads to travel.
There were mountains to climb and hills to conquer. One more time in life..... hardship and sufferings tend to block the road to your destination! Perseverance, action, hard work in full force
to unblock that road that will take me to my destiny!!!!
I got my groove back finding which road to take. I met my JD at a wrong road but we travel together to find the right path...... our journey continues.......... the next road trip proved to be exciting, loving and real!
Finding my closest cousins and travel the long road to fill in the gap. One day , one hope, one opportunity and we can all have closures and build our own private road.
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